Funny Jokes

Joke: A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charity that comes his way. The local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet. They go to his door and he answers, "What do you want?"

One of the ladies replies, "Hello Mr. Smith. We know you are very wealthy and we know you also never give to charity. Wouldn't you enjoy giving back to an organization that helps dogs much like your own?"

The lawyer looks her dead in the eye and replies, "Do you also know that both of my parents are suffering life-threatening illnesses and have medical bills several times their own income?"

The lady, taken back, replies, "Well.. No... I thought..."

He interrupts her, "Did you also know my sister's husband left her and their two kids without a penny?"

Still stuttering she replies, "Um... Oh my...."

"And my brother lost his legs in the war," The lawyer continues. At this point the people from the shelter are dumbstruck and aren't saying a word. Then he finishes, "If they don't get a cent, do you expect to?"

Joke: What did the foot say to his wife?

Joke: An antique dealer is walking through town and sees a cat drinking milk from a saucer in a shop window. He is shocked when he realizes that the saucer is very rare and expensive.

He enters the shop and asks the owner "Hey, I really like the cat. Would you be willing to sell it to me?"

The store owner replies "Not for sale."

The antique dealer thinking quickly responds "I'll give you $100 for it."

The shop owner agrees and the antique dealer grabs the cat. He acts like he is about to leave then adds "Oh, would you mind throwing in the saucer, the cat seems to like it."

The shop owner replies "No, that's my lucky saucer. I've sold hundreds of cats since I got it."

Joke: A wealthy lawyer is driving down the road in his limo when he sees two men eating grass on the side of the road. He pulls over to investigate.

He asks one of the men, "Why are you eating this disgusting grass?"

The man replies, "I'm too poor, it's all we have."

The lawyer replies, "You and your buddy can come home with me and I'll feed you."

The man replies, "But sir, we both have families."

The lawyer replies, "Bring them all!" So they all pile into the car.

One of the men's wives turns to the lawyer and tells him, "Thank you so much sir, we really needed this."

The lawyer responds, "No problem, the grass is almost a foot tall, you'll love it!"

Joke: A blonde walks into a store and shows a clerk she would like a particular TV. He tells her, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Enraged she goes home, dyes her hair, and returns the next day. She approaches another salesman and shows him the TV. He tells her, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Angry, she says, "How did you know I was blonde?"

He replies, "That's not a TV, it's a microwave."