Dirty Jokes

Joke: Tom and Jenna have been having problems in bed so Jenna confides in one of her friends, Sally. Sally tells Jenna, "You should go see my sex therapist. Me and John were having issues and he told us to buy donuts and grapes. I eat the doughnut off of John's penis and he uses his tongue to eat the grapes out of me. Ever since, our sex life has been better than ever."

So Tom and Jenna go to see the sex therapist. When they arrive the secretary tells them to strip down and wait in his office. When the therapist arrives he turns around and tells them, "I can't help you."

Jenna yells back, "Wait! Can't you just give us the same advice you gave John and Sally?"

He says, "Okay, on your way home buy some life savers and a coconut."

Joke: On the way home from work a woman stops at a pet store. She sees a parrot and immediately falls in love with it. She asks the salesperson, "Can I get the parrot?"

The salesperson replies, "Of course, but I do have to warn you the parrot lived in a brothel. So he has picked up some colorful language."

The woman doesn't care so she buys the bird and brings it home. Once home, she puts the bird's cage on a shelf and uncovers it. The bird says, "A new madam! Hello madam."

A few hours later her daughters come home and the bird says, "New girls! Hello girls!"

A few hours after this the woman's husband comes home and the parrot says, "Hi Tom!"

Joke: A girl walks up to her father and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"

He looks at her and decides it's time. So he tells her about the birds and the bees, masturbation, sperm, pregnancy, and STD's. After a lengthy speech he asks her, "So what made you ask about sex?"

She replies, dumbfounded, "Mommy said lunch would be ready in a couple of sex."

Joke: Three dudes are talking about their wedding nights. The first says, "I got way too drunk. Out of habit I handed her $50 when we were done. She called me a 'whore monger' and ignored me the entire honeymoon."

The next guy says, "Same here. I got wasted and after we had sex I gave her $60. She slapped me and didn't talk to me for a week!"

The third guy says, "I've got you both beat."

One of the other guys asks, "Yeah, how?"

He replies, "I got totally smashed on my wedding night. After we had sex I handed my wife $100... She gave me $70 change."

Joke: Sometimes I think my family is racist. They caught me having sex with a black girl and none of the kids would talk to me. Then my wife told me to pack my bags and go.