The Suspicious Panda

Question: A panda walks into a local restaurant. He eats some pickled bamboo, shoots the manager, then walks out the door. The police arrive and question the panda. "Did you shoot the manager?" they ask. "Look at the dictionary," the panda replies. What does the dictionary say?

Question: Your friend tells you about a story he once tried to impress a young lady with, but instead got a slap in the face. He wants you to attempt to see the flaw: It was a hot and windless day, in our bunker, when suddenly one of ours yelled: "Enemy!" We opened fire on them, leaving one hundred of them dead before they retreated. I was checking a dead captain's glasses when the shout came that they were incoming again, and the CO ordered us to open up on them with our mortars, when I yelled: "Cease fire! They're Americans!" Later, an American colonel thanked me for my work after I said that I saw their flag, waving back and forth in the wind. What is wrong with this story?

Question: Your father is a scientist who has invented a red pill which, if eaten with 1 blue pill which he has invented, will grant immortality. The night he invents it, he gives you 2 red and 2 blue pills just in case one of them is lost or substandard. He also warns you that an overdose will cause the opposite effect and kill you instead. You put the pills in your pocket and leave his lab for home. On the way home, you are abducted by aliens who blindfold you and throw you into a singularity. At this point, you remember the pills your father gave you. You take them out (you can move and have enough oxygen in space for a short time), but realize that you can't tell the red pill from the blue pill. Even if you take off your blindfold, you can't see anything due to your proximity to the black hole. Given the circumstances, how do you successfully eat 1 red and 1 blue pill and survive?

Question: During what month do people sleep the least?

Question: When is 99 more than 100?

Question: Which eight-letter word still remains a word after removing each letter from it?