Short Jokes

Joke: A private is standing outside in the smoking area when he is approached by a young lieutenant, "Private, do you have change for a dollar?!"

The private replies, "I sure do pal."

The lieutenant yells back, "I am not your pal! You will address me as an officer and give me the respect I have earned maggot! Stand at attention and tell me again, do you have change for a dollar?"

The private, now standing perfectly erect says, "Sir, no sir!"

Joke: A blonde girl is standing next to her school's flagpole. The janitor comes up to her and asks her what she's doing. She replies "I have to find the height of the flagpole for math class."

With this the janitor unscrews the flagpole and lays it down on the ground. He measures it with a measuring tape and tells her "Twenty-five feet, five inches."

She thanks him but as he is walking away she says "What a dummy. I wanted the height, not the width."

Joke: A man is getting into a nice warm bath to relax. Once he is situated he hears the doorbell ring. He is mad but he gets up and dries off. As he is walking to the door he falls to the ground hurting his back. When he finally gets to the door the person at the door says "Oh, sorry. I think I'm at the wrong house."

The man is angry so he yells "Are you serious?"

The person at the door replies "Chill out man, you need to take a hot bath or something."

Joke: A foreign woman walked into a hairdresser shop while she was on holiday. "Can you cut my hair into-" she pointed at a lady posing for the style in a picture. "-that style?" "We only do it with bangs," the hairdresser replied irritably. "Boss said so. Don't know why. People these days." "Ok." So the foreign customer went to the shop and bought some gunpowder. An hour later, in the storeroom, the boss heard a bang. "People these days," said she.

Joke: A man meets the best Bible salesman in the world. The salesman greets him, "Nuh, nuh, nuh, nice to meet you."

The man asks him, "If you don't mind me asking, what's your secret?"

The salesman replies, "It's suh, suh, suh, simple. I juh, juh, just go to the duh, duh, duh, door and suh, say, 'Duh, duh, duh, do you wuh, wuh, want to buh, buh, buh, buh, buy a bible? Or wuh, would you luh, luh, luh, like muh, me to ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, read it to you?'"