Short Jokes

Joke: A man is going ice fishing. He drills a hole in the ice and hears a booming voice, "There's no fish in there!"

He begins to drill another hole and again hears the voice, "Stop drilling, there's no fish there!"

He drills a third hole and the voice sounds again, "You aren't going to find any fish there!"

The fisherman, frightened, asks, "Is this God?"

The booming voice yells back, "No! I'm the rink manager!"

Joke: A man goes door-to-door selling vacuums and knocks on his first door. A big unkempt woman answers the door but before she can say anything he slips past her into the house. He immediately throws dog poop on the floor. She yells at him, "What are you doing?!"

He tells her, "If this vacuum doesn't clean this up I'll eat whatever's left."

She smiles and replies, "I'll grab you a fork. I haven't paid the electric bill in months."

Joke: A police officer pulls over a car full of old women. He says "Mam, you realize you can't drive that slow on the highway. It's dangerous."

She responds "Isn't the speed limit 33?"

Laughing the cop says "No man, this is highway 33. That's not the speed limit." He looks into the back of the car and the women are frightened. He asks "What's wrong with them?"

The lady says "I don't know. We just came off of Highway 144."

Joke: A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard it was, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels, and flung him over the table and across the room..

He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth as hard as that."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana!