Short Jokes

Joke: One morning before a man leaves for work his wife asks him "Honey, do you know what today is?"

He nervously responds "Of course I do!" Then he leaves for work.

Throughout the day he sends his wife flowers, chocolate, and a card telling her to meet him at a certain expensive restaurant for dinner.

When he meets her at the restaurant she runs up to him and says "This has been the best Independence Day of my life!"

Joke: A man is sitting on his porch when he notices two blondes working down the road. They both have shovels. One of them digs a hole and the other immediately fills it in. The man watches them for a few hours and finally approaches them, "You guys look like you're working hard. But I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish."

One of the blondes replies, "Well there's usually three of us, but the one that plants the trees is sick."

Joke: A burglar breaks into a house and while he's searching for valuables he hears "Jesus is watching you." He looks around but only sees a parrot in the corner. He walks up to the parrot and asks "Are you the little guy who was talking to me?" The parrot says "Yes, my name is Ronald." The burglar laughs and says "What kind of idiot gives a parrot a stupid name like that." The parrot laughs and says "The same idiot who names his Pitbull Jesus."

Joke: A woman with brown hair goes to the doctor and tells him "Doctor! I think something is really wrong. My entire body hurts when I touch it." She touches her arm, legs, and stomach screaming in pain each time.

The doctor looks at her for a second and asks "Do you dye your hair?"

The woman surprised says "Yeah I'm naturally blonde. How did you know?"

The doctor replies "That's what I thought, your finger is broken."

Joke: Little Timmy asked his dad "Where do people come from?"

His dad replied "Adam and Eve were the first people and they had children. Then their children had children and so on."

Later Timmy asked his mom the same question and she said "We evolved from monkeys."

Timmy went to his father and asked him why he lied and told him what his mother had said. His dad replied "Your mom was talking about her side of the family."