Short Jokes

Joke: A panda walks into a bar and after thinking it over, the bartender lets him stay. The panda eats his dinner and asks for a check. He looks at the check, nods his head, and shoots the waiter in the knee. The bartender runs over and looks at the table. The panda had left an open dictionary of the table, turned to the page with 'panda' on it. He reads the description "Panda; n. Large mammal from central Asia. Eats shoots and leaves."

Joke: A professor was giving a big test one day. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the graded tests back.

This student got his test back and $56 change.

Joke: A teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would rush into it, and I should turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir." the boys

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, my feet don't turn red from blood?"

Little Johnny shouted "It's because your feet aren't empty."

Joke: An Englishman is walking down the Irish countryside and stops at a river to take a drink. He cups a hand and gets some water. Just as he is about to drink a shepherd yells to him in a thick Irish accent, "Don't drink out the river, it's full of sheep pee!"

The Englishman replies, "I don't understand a word you are saying. I'm English. What'd you say?"

The shepherd replies, "Use both hands, you'll get more that way."

Joke: 10 Facts About You: 1. You're reading this now. 2. You're realizing that this is a stupid fact. 4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3. 5. You're checking now. 6. You're smiling. 7. You're still reading this even though it is stupid. 9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8. 10.You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again. 11. You're enjoying this. 12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.