Short Jokes

Joke: A blonde walks into a store and shows a clerk she would like a particular TV. He tells her, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Enraged she goes home, dyes her hair, and returns the next day. She approaches another salesman and shows him the TV. He tells her, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Angry, she says, "How did you know I was blonde?"

He replies, "That's not a TV, it's a microwave."

Joke: A man joins a golfing tournament, but he is a terrible golfer. Lucky for him an evil leprechaun lives on the course and offers him a deal, "I will make you win this tournament, if you promise to never marry!"

The man agrees and indeed wins the tournament. Afterwards the leprechaun approaches the man, "Remember, you can't marry anybody now!"

Adjusting his collar the priest replies, "Yeah, whatever."

Joke: An old man lies on his deathbed as he holds his wife's hand, "Dear, these are my last moments. Please be honest with me. Our 5th boy, Donald, looks very different from all of the others. He has a different dad from the others, doesn't he."

Weeping, his wife cries out, "Yes! I'm sorry sorry!"

The man replies, "Who? Who is the father?"

The wife looks back at him deeply and says, "It's you..."

Joke: The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, “Take only one. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Joke: A pharmacist goes out for lunch and when he comes back he finds a man sitting on the floor twitching. He asks his assistant, "What exactly is going on?"

His assistant replies, "This man came in looking for cough syrup."

The pharmacist replies, "Well, what'd you give him?"

The assistant replies, "Laxatives." The pharmacist asks why so and the assistant replies, "He doesn't want to cough anymore..."