Short Jokes

Joke: A blonde girl takes her goldfish to the vet and tells the vet "I think my goldfish is having seizures."

The vet looks into the bowl, "Looks fine to me."

The girl snaps back at him, "Hold on! Let me get him out of his bowl first!"

Joke: A lifeguard told the mother of a young boy to make her son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows that from time to time, young children will urinate in the pool," the mother lectured him.

"Oh really? From the diving board?!"

Joke: A 90 year old woman goes on a date with a 91 year old man. When she gets home to her daughter she tells her "I had to slap him 4 times."

The daughter asks "Was he getting fresh?"

The old woman replies "No, I thought he had expired!"

Joke: A man went to a job interview. The first thing they told him was "We are looking for somebody responsible."

The man replied "I'm just the man you're looking for. At my last job every time anything bad happened they told me I was responsible."

Joke: A woman gets onto a bus with her baby and the driver says "That's the ugliest baby!"

She sits down and tells the person next to her "The bus driver just insulted me!"

The person responds "You should go confront him! I'll hold your dog."