Short Jokes

Joke: A pirate goes to the doctor to have a few of the moles on his back checked out. When the doctor is finished he tells the pirate, "You're okay, they're benign."

The pirate responds, "Check again doc, there be at least twelve of them."

Joke: A cheap man goes to a restaurant with his wife and son. When he gets in he asks the host "How are your prices?"

The host replies "Well kids eat free."

The man replies "My son is really hungry, he's going to have three plates."

Joke: A man tells the lady that takes tickets at the airport, "Send one of my bags to New York, one to Denver, and one to Miami."

The lady replies, "We can't do that sir."

The man replies, "Sure you can, you did it just a week ago."

Joke: A man is with his wife on his deathbed. He leans towards her, "Honey, I have one last wish. After I die, marry Joe."

She replies, "I thought you hated Joe?"

He looks her deeply in the eyes and with his last breath says, "I do."

Joke: A pregnant woman asked her boss if she could have the day off because she wasn't feeling too well. He tells her the only way she is leaving work is if she starts her contractions. So she yells "Can't, didn't, won't, shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't!"