Good Jokes

Joke: A man goes swimming in the ocean but gets sucked out to sea. A boat passes by him and tells him to climb aboard but he says "I have faith, God will save me."

The Coast Guard comes by with a rescue helicopter and tells him to climb the ladder up, but he says "I have faith, God will save me."

The man is now getting tired but thankfully a dolphin swims under him and starts to carry him to shore, but the man pushes the dolphin away saying "I have faith, God will save me.

The man dies and goes to Heaven. He asks God "Why didn't you save me?"

God replies "I tried! I sent a ship, a helicopter and a dolphin!"

Joke: A blonde girl is at a ventriloquist act. The ventriloquist starts to tell a bunch of blonde jokes and everybody in the room is laughing hysterically.

The blonde girl stands up and yells "Hey jerk! Not all blondes are dumb. You need to stop with the cheap jokes!"

The ventriloquist says "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

The blonde interrupts him "Stay out of it! I was talking to the little man on your leg."

Joke: Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?

Joke: A professor is about to give his final exam, "You must turn in your paper before 2 PM. I won't take it a second later."

2 PM comes and all of the students turn in their paper and the professor begins to walk to his office. One last student jumps up and approaches the professor, "I'm sorry I'm a few seconds late! You have to take my paper!"

The professor says, "Nope, I made it very clear-"

The student snaps at him, "Do you know who I am?"

He replies, "No I do not."

So the student grabs the stack of papers, puts his in the middle, and runs off.

Joke: Yo mama's so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.