Funny Jokes

 

124 ratings
4 saves

Joke: A burglar breaks into a house and while he's searching for valuables he hears "Jesus is watching you." He looks around but only sees a parrot in the corner. He walks up to the parrot and asks "Are you the little guy who was talking to me?" The parrot says "Yes, my name is Ronald." The burglar laughs and says "What kind of idiot gives a parrot a stupid name like that." The parrot laughs and says "The same idiot who names his Pitbull Jesus."


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27 ratings
7 saves

Joke: Three men are sitting in the waiting room at the hospital. The nurse approaches the first one and says "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"

The man says "That's strange, I work for the Minnesota Twins."

The nurse comes back and approaches the second man "Your wife had quadruplets sir!"

The man says "Wow! I work for Foursquare."

The last man starts to cry so the nurse asks him "What's wrong sir?"

The man replies "I work for 84 lumber!"


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38 ratings
13 saves

Joke: Somehow a dog gets lost in an African jungle. As he is finding his way a lion spots him. The lion thinks since the dog is so small he will be easy pray. When the dog sees the lion he gets extremely scared and starts to run but he sees some bones and gets an idea. As the lion approaches he says "Mmmm, that was some good lion." The lion immediately realizes this dog is a lot tougher than he thought and runs off.

But there was a monkey in a tree watching the whole time. The monkey decides if he tells the lion what had happened the lion might reward him. So he tells the lion and the lion tells him to get on his back so they can share the dog. As the lion and monkey find the dog, the dog spots them as well. The dog begins to run but has another idea, "Where is that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion hours ago!"


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32 ratings
4 saves

Joke: A blonde girl is at a ventriloquist act. The ventriloquist starts to tell a bunch of blonde jokes and everybody in the room is laughing hysterically.

The blonde girl stands up and yells "Hey jerk! Not all blondes are dumb. You need to stop with the cheap jokes!"

The ventriloquist says "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

The blonde interrupts him "Stay out of it! I was talking to the little man on your leg."


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194 ratings
2 saves

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Suspense.
Suspense who?
...... Ah!


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