Funny Jokes

Joke: A man is giving his son advice, "Whenever you buy something on the street, offer them half of what they want."

So the boy is our one day and wants to buy a Coke. He approaches a street vendor and asks how much. The vendor replies, "$2.56."

The boy says, "I'll give you $1.28." The vendor is outraged at first and tries to negotiate a higher price, but fails. He finally gives in, "Okay, $1."

The boy replies, "64 cents." The vendor is outraged but eventually agrees again.

This continues until the price is at 2 cents. The vendor says, "It's pointless now, just have it for free."

The boy says, "I'll take two."

Joke: A group full of very ugly people die in a bus accident. When they come to God he grants them all one last wish. The first person says "I wish I was beautiful!" God makes them beautiful. This goes on and all of the people wish to be beautiful until he gets to the last person. The last person is laughing historically and God asks him "Why are you laughing?" The man replies "I wish they were all ugly again."

Joke: A woman says to her husband, "I'm sick of you pushing me around and talking behind my back!"

The husband replies, "But honey, your wheelchair!"

Joke: A beautiful blonde woman approaches a pharmacist and asks, "Do you have extra large condoms?"

The pharmacist replies, "Yes, isle 11."

The blonde goes to the isle. But about 30 minutes later she is still looking at the condoms. The pharmacist calls over to her, "Do you need some help?"

The woman replies, "No, I'm just waiting for somebody to buy some."

Joke: Teacher: If I say 'I am very beautiful', what tense is that in?
Student: It must be past.