Funny Jokes

Joke: Once there was a young boy, around 8 years old, who lived in a village at the bottom of a hill. On top of the hill was a temple where monks lived. One day, he heard a strange sound coming from the top of the hill. Curious, he walks up the hill and knocks on the giant doors at the front of the temple. The head monk answers the door and asks what he can do for the kid. However, when the kid asks what the sound was, he simply replies, “I can’t tell you, you’re not a monk.” So the boy walks home sadly. 3 years later, he hears it again. Again, he was curious, and he thought it would bother him for life if he didn’t find out what it was. So he walked back up to the temple, knocked on the door, and was greeted by the head monk. Again, when asked about the sound, he responded with, “I can’t tell you, you’re not a monk.” Now, the kid is so desperate to find the sound that he asks, “Alright, how do I become a monk?” The head monk responds, “Young boy, In order to become a monk, you must count every grain of sand in Africa.” So once he turns 16, he drives to Africa and counts the sand. When he comes back, he’s 34 years old. He knocks on the temple door and the head monk answers. “I did it, I counted every grain of sand!” Surprised, the head monk says, “Truly? You are now a monk, and can now learn of the sound! You must find the key first.” The man says, “OK! Where is it?” “Back in Africa.” The man sighs, goes back to Africa and returns with the key. There are three fires in the way, so he jumps over the first fire, jumps over the second fire, and the key falls into the third fire. Terrified, he returns to the head monk. “Surely for a door that’s this important, there must be a spare key somewhere, right?” “Yeah, there’s one in the sheriff’s office at the bottom of the hill.” “Why couldn’t you tell me that first?” “It’s part of becoming a monk.” So the man goes to the sheriff’s office and gets the key. He jumps over the fires, unlocks the door, and finds out what the sound is.

Joke: A man and his blonde wife are sitting inside, by the fire, when the radio announcer comes on: "We are expecting up to a foot of snow tonight, please make sure you are parked on the even-numbered side of the road." The wife goes out and moves her car.

The next day the same thing happens, and the announcer comes on: "We are expecting up to a foot of snow tonight, please make sure you are parked on the odd-numbered side of the road." The wife goes out and moves her car.

A few days later the same thing happens and the announcer comes on: "We are expecting up to two feet of snow tonight, please make sure you are parked on the-" but the power goes out in the middle of the announcement.

The blonde freaks out, "Which side do I put my car on?!"

Her husband tenderly confronts her saying, "How about we just leave the car in the garage this time?"

Joke: Two eager athletes approach the football coach telling him they want to play on his football team. Okay says the coach, but first we have to give you a test to see if you're intelligent enough to play on my team (select your least favorite college team). They go to the classroom for the test. The first question on the test is " Old MacDonald had a ______." After a few minutes, one of the guys whispers to the other... "Hey... what did old MacDonald have?" The other guy exclaims, "You dummy! Old MacDonald had a FARM!!" "Ohh Yeah.... Okay." says the first guy. A couple of minutes later, the first guy whispers again... " Hey... how do you spell FARM?" "Oh c'mon you dummy. Don't you remember the song?

Joke: Why did the grocery delivery guy get fired?

Joke: A teacher is announcing her classes next speaker for career day, who happens to be a butcher. She says "He has chicken wings, pigs cheeks, and chicken breast."

One of the students blurts out "He must be really funny looking."