Funny Jokes

Joke: An Amish family goes to the mall. The daughters and mother go shopping and the father and son stop in front of two shiny walls that are sliding apart. An extremely large woman on a scooter rolls into the elevator and the shiny walls move back together.

The man and his son watch as the numbers above the elevator slowly light up until the highest number is illuminated. Then the numbers begin to climb back down and the shiny walls once again part. A gorgeous blonde exits the elevator.

The father, still staring at the woman, whispers to his son "Go get your mother."

Joke: Two boys, John and Tommy, walk into a candy story. While in the store John steals 4 candy bars and puts them in his pocket. When the boys leave John brags, "I stole 3 candy bars, beat that!"

Tommy says "No problem, just follow me." They go back into the store and Tommy approaches one of the shopkeepers.

He asks the shopkeeper, "Would you like to see some magic sir?" The man says yes and Tommy immediately opens 4 candy bars and eats them as fast as he can.

The shopkeeper, who is now angry, asks "Where is the magic?"

Tommy replies "The candy bars are now in my friend's pockets."

Joke: When does a gnat have its best ideas?

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Althea!
Althea who?
Althea later alligator!!!

Joke: What do you call somebody who sees an Apple store getting robbed?