Funny Jokes

Joke: A blonde, brunette, and red head are all talking about what their dreams were when they were kids. The brunette says, "I wanted to be a princess. I was so dumb."

The red head says, "I wanted to be a movie star. I was so crazy."

The blonde says, "I wanted to be the first person to travel around the sun, but I still haven't given up."

The brunette tells her, "If you came that close to the sun you would burn."

The blonde laughs at her, "That's why I would go at night!"

Joke: What did the foot say to his wife?

Joke: An antique dealer is walking through town and sees a cat drinking milk from a saucer in a shop window. He is shocked when he realizes that the saucer is very rare and expensive.

He enters the shop and asks the owner "Hey, I really like the cat. Would you be willing to sell it to me?"

The store owner replies "Not for sale."

The antique dealer thinking quickly responds "I'll give you $100 for it."

The shop owner agrees and the antique dealer grabs the cat. He acts like he is about to leave then adds "Oh, would you mind throwing in the saucer, the cat seems to like it."

The shop owner replies "No, that's my lucky saucer. I've sold hundreds of cats since I got it."

Joke: A wealthy lawyer is driving down the road in his limo when he sees two men eating grass on the side of the road. He pulls over to investigate.

He asks one of the men, "Why are you eating this disgusting grass?"

The man replies, "I'm too poor, it's all we have."

The lawyer replies, "You and your buddy can come home with me and I'll feed you."

The man replies, "But sir, we both have families."

The lawyer replies, "Bring them all!" So they all pile into the car.

One of the men's wives turns to the lawyer and tells him, "Thank you so much sir, we really needed this."

The lawyer responds, "No problem, the grass is almost a foot tall, you'll love it!"

Joke: A blonde walks into a store and shows a clerk she would like a particular TV. He tells her, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Enraged she goes home, dyes her hair, and returns the next day. She approaches another salesman and shows him the TV. He tells her, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Angry, she says, "How did you know I was blonde?"

He replies, "That's not a TV, it's a microwave."