Funny Jokes

Joke: What'd the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Joke: A tree walks into a bank and asks for a loan. The teller says, "You'll have to speak to our branch manager."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
The KGB
The KGB...
*slap* The KGB will ask the questions here!

Joke: A man in a restaurant sees an extremely attractive woman sitting alone, so he decides to send her a nice bottle of wine. The waiter brings the wine to the lady. The lady looks at the bottle for a moment and sends a message back to the man. It reads: 'For me to accept this bottle of wine you must have a Mercedes in your garage, a few million dollars in your bank, and seven inches in your pants.'

He reads the message, laughs, and sends back one of his own: 'Just send it back. I have a Ferrari, Mercedes, and a Corvette. I have twenty million in the bank and a house in Aspen, LA, and Miami. But I will NEVER cut three inches off for any woman.'

Joke: A man with no arms went to a guitar shop. He grabs a guitar and asks the owner of the establishment, "How much for this one?"

The owner replies, "$300. If you don't mind me asking, how are you going to use it?"

The man replies, "I'll just play it by ear..."