Funny Jokes

Joke: A man was having trouble paying his water bill. He tried and tried to make ends meet, but nothing seemed to work. He went over to his neighbor's house. He says to him, "Hey, man. I'm barely making it on my water bill every month. It's getting to be a real hassle. Can you help a neighbor out? I'll do whatever I can to pay you back. I'll mow your grass, walk your dog, babysit your kids. You name it, I'll do it!" The neighbor ponders for a moment and says, "You know what? You got yourself a deal! You can start with the grass this Saturday and you'll do the rest later on." The man, who is now full of excitement, exclaims, "Sounds good!" Several days go by and the man does everything that his neighbor asked of him. It's about 3 in the afternoon on a Thursday and he goes to check the mailbox and he sees a letter from his neighbor. He heads into the house and sits down at his dining room table. He begins to open the letter and starts reading it. It says: "Hey, neighbor! I wanted to thank you for everything you did! Also, I am still sorry to hear that you are having problems with your water bill. Hope things get better for you! Get well soon! With deepest sympathy, Your Neighbor."

Joke: Why does nobody want to enter a contract with Wolverine?

Joke: A man's children were curious about their names. The man's daughter asked him, "Dad, how did i get my name?" The father replied, "Well, you were laying down under a tree and a rose fell on your head, so i named you rose."

The second daughter asked, "Dad, how did i get MY name?" The father replied. "Well, you were laying down under a tree and a lily fell on your head, so i named you Lily."

Then his son came in the room and yelled, "RAAAAAAAHHHHHHRRRRRR!!!"

The father replied, "Shut up, Brick!"

Joke: What do you call a woman of the church that works at your company?

Joke: The new CEO of a company comes into work determined to turn things around. Trying to prove himself to his new employees he looks around the office and sees a guy leaning against a wall doing nothing. He approaches the guy and asks him, "What do you think you're doing?"

The man replies, "I'm just killing time, waiting to get paid."

The CEO is furious, "What do you make a week?"

The man tells him, "About $200 a week."

The CEO pulls out his wallet and hand the man $400 and says, "There's your two weeks, now get out of here!" After the man leaves he turns to his employees and asks, "What do you think about that?"

One of the employees stands up and says, "I think he just got the largest tip he's ever gotten on a single pizza."