Funny Jokes

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Olivia!
Olivia who?
Olivia, what are you doing in my house?!
Olivia = I live here

Joke: A Jewish man is riding the train reading an Arab newspaper. His friend happens to also be on the train and confronts, "What are you doing reading that?!"

The man replies, "I got sick of the Jewish newspapers. All I ever read about was Jes living in poor conditions, Israel getting attacked, and Jews being persecuted...

Now that I read the Arab newspaper we rule the world! We control the media, run the banks, and are all wealthy. That's much better news!"

Joke: What's the best way to comfort a grammar Nazi?

Joke: A bear walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'll have a gin ... ... ... and tonic."

The bartender replies, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear replies, "I don't know, my dad had them too."

Joke: There was a boy named Johnny who would hang around the corner store. The other boys would pick on him, saying that he is stupid. To prove it, they would offer him a nickle or a dime. He would always pick the nickel and they would make fun of him, saying he picked it because it was bigger.

One day the store clerk asked Johnny, "Why do you always pick the nickel? That's why they make fun of you. Do you choose it because it's bigger?"

Johnny replied, "Well if I stopped picking the nickel they would stop, and I've saved up $20!"