Funny Jokes

Joke: A blonde woman decides to start a handyman service to make some extra money. She walks around a wealthy neighborhood and walks up to the first house.

A man answers the door and she asks if there is anything she can do. He tells her "The porch need painted, how much would that cost?"

She replies "How does $50 sound?" He agrees and she gets to work.

When the man goes back into his house his wife asks him "Does she know the porch wraps around the house?" He tells her "She has to, she saw it."

About an hour later she comes to the door to collect her money. She says "I had extra paint so I put on two coats." The man is really impressed and gives her the money. She thanks him and says "And by the way, it's a BMW, not a porch."

Joke: Why don't chemists like dubstep?

Joke: A large group of blondes gathered in the middle of New York City to prove once and for all they are smart people. They challenged everybody to ask any of them any question.

A man approaches them and accepts their challenge. He randomly picks a blonde woman and asks her "What is the first letter of the alphabet?"

The woman replies "V!" The man tells her she is wrong and the group begins to chant "One more chance! One more chance!"

The man replies "Okay okay. What is the capital of New York?"

The woman yells "Toronto!" The crowd chants again "One more chance! One more chance!"

The man indulges them "Okay fine, final chance. What is two plus two?"

The woman yells "Four!" The crowd chants again "One more chance! One more chance!"

Joke: The new CEO of a company comes into work determined to turn things around. Trying to prove himself to his new employees he looks around the office and sees a guy leaning against a wall doing nothing. He approaches the guy and asks him, "What do you think you're doing?"

The man replies, "I'm just killing time, waiting to get paid."

The CEO is furious, "What do you make a week?"

The man tells him, "About $200 a week."

The CEO pulls out his wallet and hand the man $400 and says, "There's your two weeks, now get out of here!" After the man leaves he turns to his employees and asks, "What do you think about that?"

One of the employees stands up and says, "I think he just got the largest tip he's ever gotten on a single pizza."

Joke: A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"