Funny Jokes

Joke: A lawyer is getting out of his Rolls Royce and a truck slams into his car. He yells, "What the heck are you doing?!"

The driver replies, "Are you serious, you car so much about money you didn't even notice your arm is missing?"

At this point the lawyer freaks out, "And my Rolex!"

Joke: John asked his friend, "How's everything?"

His friend replied, "I'm just happy to be breathing."

John said, "You should have bigger aspirations bro."

Joke: A man named Tom meets a man named Clark at a party on the 30th floor of a building. They get to talking and Clark tells Tom that the wind is just right so that if you jump out the window you will circle the building and fly right back in. Tom naturally doesn't believe him. Clark proves it by jumping out the window a few times and coming right back in. Finally Tom believes him and he jumps out of the window breaking every bone in his body.

Clark's girlfriend Lois turns to him and says "You can be a real jerk when you're drunk superman."

Joke: How does a farmer address a turkey problem?

Joke: A man and his wife are driving down the road as the wife says, "I want a divorce."

The man says nothing, just speeds up slightly.

The woman continues, "That's not all. I'm taking the house, the car, the kids, and the bank account."

The man remains a statue, only speeding up a little.

The woman, getting angry, yells at him, "Don't you have anything to say?"

The man replies, "Nope. I have everything I need."

The woman asks him, "What do you have?"

Just as they are about to slam into a tree going 100 MPH the man yells, "The airbag bitch!"