Funny Jokes

Joke: A man runs into a hospital and yells, "Help! I'm shrinking!"

One of the nurses sits the man down, "We're very busy here today sir, you're going to have to be a little patient."

Joke: A blonde is driving down the road and sees another blonde in the middle of a field in a rowboat paddling as hard as she can.

The blonde pulls over, runs to the edge of the field and yells "It's stupid people like you that give blondes a bad name! If I could swim I would come out there and beat you up!"

Joke: A truck driver is delivering some penguins to the zoo. But his truck breaks down in a dessert near the zoo. Luckily, a pickup truck soon comes by. The driver flags him down and hands him $300 saying, "Take these penguins to the zoo."

A few hours later he sees the same guy heading the opposite way with the penguins still in the back. He yells at the man, "You were supposed to take them to the zoo!"

The guy replies, "I did, but we had money left over so we're going to the movies."

Joke: Mahatma Gandhi spent most of his time barefoot, covering his feet with calluses. He ate very little, which made him frail. His odd diet also gave him bad breath.

What did this make him?

Joke: A man goes to a restaurant where he sees a sign on the wall that says: "If we can't fill your order, we'll give you $500."

So when the waitress comes to his table he orders, "I'll have rye toast with elephant dung."

The waitress writes down his order and calmly walks to the kitchen. About ten minutes later the manager storms out of the kitchen and lays out $500 on the man's table. Angry, the manager says, "Are you happy? This is the first time in ten years we haven't had rye bread!"