Funny Jokes

Joke: Tom walks into his boss' office and tells him, "Sir, I know things are going the best around here but I have three companies that have contacted me recently. I would like a raise."

His boss agrees and after debating the amount for a while they agree on a 5 percent raise. When Tom gets up to leave his boss asks him, "What companies contacted you?"

Tom smiles and says, "The cable, electric, and water company."

Joke: A blonde goes to the hospital with both of her ears burnt. The doctor asks her, "How did you manage this?"

The blonde replies, "Well I was ironing and recieved a phone call. I accidentally picked up the iron instead of the phone."

The doctor says, "That explains one ear."

She replies, "Well they called again!"

Joke: Little Johnny was in class and yells out, "Hey teach, I gotta take a piss." The disgusted teacher asks her students, "Class, can anyone think of a different word to use other than the word piss?" And little Suzy raises her hand and says the word, "Urinate." The teacher says that is very good then tells little Johny that he can go to the bathroom as soon as he can use the word 'urinate' in a sentence. So he thinks about it for a moment and says, "Well teach, urinate but if you had bigger tits you'd be a 10 !"

Joke: One day a blondes house catches on fire so she calls the police in a panic and hears "What is your emergency?"

She replies "My house is on fire hurry!"

The person on the other end responds "Mam, calm down and tell me where you are."

She yells back "My house! Come to my house!"

The person now annoyed says "We need more than that, how are we supposed to find you?"

The blonde gets mad and says "With your big red trucks!"

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Sham!
Sham who?
Are you calling me fat?