Funny Jokes

Joke: An elderly man thinks his wife is losing her hearing so he calls their doctor. The doctor tells him "We need to figure out how bad her hearing is. Using a normal tone, talk to her at various distances until she can hear you."

That night the man decides to try this. He estimates he is sitting about 30 feet from his wife and asks her, "What's for dinner?"

He hears nothing so he moves a little closer; about 20 feet away. He asks her again, "What's for dinner?" Still nothing.

Finally, he gets right next to her and asks, "What's for dinner?"

She finally hears him and responds "For the third time, chicken!"

Joke: A kid is at his interview for a job at a burger joint and is asked "What do you expect to get paid hourly?"

The young man replies "I was thinking about $20 an hour."

The interviewer replies "Okay, we can do that. You can also have one month paid vacation, dental, and medical."

The boy gets excited "Are you joking?!"

The interviewer replies "Yeah, but you started it."

Joke: A blind man walks into a bar and sits for a while with nobody talking to him. He says "Anybody want to hear a blonde joke?"

The bartender tells him "Before you tell it I just want to let you know there is a cage fighting blonde on one side of you and a large blonde softball player on the other side. I'm also a blonde and I can bench 300 pounds. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man replies "Obviously not! I don't have time to explain the joke 3 times."

Joke: A police officer came to my house trying to tell me my dog was chasing a kid on a bike.

I told him, "My dog doesn't even have a bike."

Joke: Johnny is on his grandpa's farm in the rabbit enclosure. The ground is covered in rabbit droppings. Johnny asks, "What are all of the pellets on the floor grandpa?"

His grandpa replies, "Oh those? Those are smart pills. You eat them and you get smarter."

Johnny likes the sound of that so he grabs a large handful of them and shoves them into his mouth, "Yuck! Grandpa, these taste like crap."

His grandpa replies, "You're getting smarter already."