Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man is walking down the road and another man runs up to him and asks him, "Do you want to see my talking ducks?"

The man, not wanting to be rude, decides to take a look.

When they arrive at the farm the man looks at one of the ducks and asks, "Hey little buddy, how's your day going?"

The duck replies, "Pretty good, I've just been in and out of puddles all day."

The man is amazed by the talking duck and asks the next one how his day has been. The duck replies, "Pretty good, I've just been in and out of puddles all day."

Stunned, the man asks a third duck the same question. The duck replies, "Shitty."

The man asks him, "Why is that?"

The duck replies, "I'm puddles."

Joke: There are 4 types of orgasms: the Holy Orgasm, the Positive Orgasm, the Accidental Orgasm, and the Fake Orgasm.

The Holy Orgasm sounds like, "Oh God! Oh God!"

The Positive Orgasm sounds like, "Oh yes! Oh yes!"

The Accidental Orgasm sounds like, "Oh shit! Oh shit!"

The fake orgasm sounds like, "Oh *INSERT YOUR NAME HERE*!"

Joke: A man comes home early from work one day and finds his wife naked in bed. He turns and sees a man's feet coming from the curtains. Angry he goes over and pulls the curtains away saying "Who the hell are you?"

The man replies "Why I'm the moth exterminator."

The husband asks "Why are you naked?"

The man replies "Oh my god. I'm too late!"

Joke: A blonde girl comes home from school one day and tells her mom "We were learning our numbers today and everyone else could only count to 5, I could count to 10. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

Her mom tells her "Great job honey!"

The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom tells her it is.

The next day the blonde girl comes home from school and tells her mom "We were learning our alphabets today and everyone else could only get to E, I got to J. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J!"

Her mom tells her "Great job honey!"

The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom tells her it is.

The blonde girl comes home from school the next day and tells her mom "Today we were in the showers after gym class and all of the other girls were flat chested, and I have these!" The girl lifts her shirt revealing very large breasts.

Her mom tells her "Um... Great job honey."

The girl asks her mom "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mom replies "No dear, it's because you're 25."

Joke: One day a teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that every Friday she will ask a question to the class and whoever answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday the teacher asks: "How many grains of sand are on the beach?" needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class: "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated little Johnny decides that the next Friday he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night Johnny takes 2 ping pong balls and paints them black. The next day he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day just when the teacher says, "here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag onto the floor sending the ping pong balls rolling to the front of the room. The entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says, "Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"