Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man and his wife are on their honeymoon. To show his dominance, the man takes off his pants and tells the woman, "Put on my pants."

She does but she says, "They're too big, they don't fit me."

He responds, "That's right, that's why I wear the pants in the relationship and always will."

The woman tells the man to put on her underwear. He tries but can't. He says, "I can't get into your panties."

She replies, "That's the way it's going to be unless you stop being an asshole."

Joke: A guy walks into a bar and approaches another man at the counter and says, "I just fucked your mother. We did it in your bed and I came all over her. What do you think about that?" The other guy replies, "Dad, you're drunk."

Joke: What sexual position leads to the ugliest children?

Joke: A man has a girlfriend named Wendy so he gets her name tattooed on his penis. When his penis is erect it reads, "WENDY," but when it's flaccid it just reads, "WY."

While at a restaurant he goes to the bathroom next to a large Jamaican man. He looks over and notices "WY" on the mans penis. So he asks him, "You have a girlfriend named Wendy too?"

The man replies, "No man. It says, 'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day'."

Joke: A man walks up to a large woman on a table and says "Damn! Nice legs."

She replies "You really think so?"

The man says "Hell yeah! Most tables would have broken by now. Must be oak."