Dirty Jokes

Joke: Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile. He sets it on the counter and announces to the bar, "Let's all make a deal. I'm going to put my scrotum in the crocodile's mouth and shut it. After a minute I'll open his mouth and my testicles will be fine. If I can do it, you all get me a beer!"

The entire bar shouts their approval so he opens the crocodile's mouth, puts his genitals in, and shuts its mouth. After a minute of drinking a beer Steve takes his empty bottle and cracks the crocodile over the head with it causing him to open his mouth. Steve takes his genitals out unscathed as promised. Then he announces, "If anyone else can do it I'll give 'em $100!"

After a few minutes of silence a shy blonde woman walks over to him and says, "I'll try that, just don't hit me so hard with the bottle."

Joke: What does KFC and women have in common?

Joke: Johnny came to school with a black eye so his teacher asked him what had happened. He told her, "My family doesn't have any money so me, my mom, and my dad all share a bed. My dad asked me if I was asleep yet and I told him no, so he hit me."

His teacher told him, "Tonight when you go to bed, if your dad asks you if you're awake just pretend to be asleep."

The next day Johnny came in with two black eyes. His teacher, appalled, asks him what happened. Johnny replies, "So I did what you said. Then the bed started shaking and my mom was yelling and my dad was grunting. After a while my mom yelled, 'I'm coming! Are you coming!' Then he yelled back that he was coming. But my parents never go anywhere without me, so I yelled, 'Wait for me, I'm coming too!'"

Joke: Anthony and Maria get married but they can't afford a honeymoon, so they end up going to Maria's parents house for their first night. The next morning Timmy, Maria's little brother, goes to the kitchen for breakfast and asks him mother, "Are Tony and Maria up yet?"

His mother replies, "No."

Timmy says, "Do you want to know what I think?"

His mother replies, "No! I don't want to know what you think. Go to school."

Timmy comes home for lunch and asks, "Are Tony and Maria up yet?"

His mother replies, "No."

Timmy says, "Do you want to know what I think?"

His mother replies, "No I do not, go back to school!"

Timmy comes home after school and asks his mother, "Are Tony and Maria up yet?"

His mother replies, "No."

Timmy says, "Do you want to know what I think?"

His mother replies, "Fine! What do you think?"

Timmy replies, "Last night Tony came into my room for some Vaseline, and I think I gave him super glue."

Joke: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?