Dirty Jokes

Joke: An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat. The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor. Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said, "If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn't fall like that. The old man looked up and replied, "If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus.

Joke: A group of fathers are sitting around talking about their teenage daughters. One dad says, " I think my 16 year old is smoking; I found a empty cigarette pack under her bed." All the other fathers say in unison, "Oh no!" Then a second dad says, "That's nothing. I found an empty liquor bottle under my 16 year old's bed." All the other fathers say in unison, "Oh dear!" Then a third dad says, "Mine's worse than both of those combined: I went into my 16 year old daughter's room and found a used condom." All the other fathers say in unison, "Jesus Christ!" The third father replies "Yeah, I didn't know she had a dick!"

Joke: Mrs. Smith, a first grade teacher, is trying to teach her kids how to identify various animals. First is a cheetah so she tells them "This cat has lots of spots." One of the kids guesses "A cheetah!" Next is an elephant so she tells them "This animal is huge and has a trunk." One of the kids says "A elephant!" The final animal is a deer but she can't think of any clues. Finally she tells them "This is what your mommy might call your daddy." One of the kids says "Horny bastard!"

Joke: Three strangers are sitting at a bar quietly. One of the men goes to the bathroom and the two remaining men start to talk "How's life?"

The other man says "Pretty good, I just got promoted and bought my girlfriend a Mercedes. How about you?"

The other man replies "No complaints. Me and my girlfriend just got a house down in California."

The third man comes back from the bathroom with a grin on his face. The other men ask him why he is so happy and he says "My girlfriend just called me and said she is taking me to California for the weekend in her new Mercedes!"

Joke: Three guys are hanging out at one of their houses when a terrible storm starts. It's so bad that they can't leave the house all night. So they decide to go to bed, the only problem is that there is only one large bed so they all have to share it.

When they wake up the next morning the guy who slept on the right says, "I had the best dream, a beautiful woman was giving me a handjob."

Next the guy who slept on the left side says, "That's weird, I had a dream where I was getting a handjob from a sexy lady."

The last guy, the one in the middle, frowns and says, "I had a dream I was skiing."