Joke #427

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Joke: Mrs. Smith, a first grade teacher, is trying to teach her kids how to identify various animals. First is a cheetah so she tells them "This cat has lots of spots." One of the kids guesses "A cheetah!" Next is an elephant so she tells them "This animal is huge and has a trunk." One of the kids says "A elephant!" The final animal is a deer but she can't think of any clues. Finally she tells them "This is what your mommy might call your daddy." One of the kids says "Horny bastard!"


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Joke: Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"


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Joke: Sally has been feeling harassed by one of her coworkers, John. She tells her employer that he has been harassing her and he asks her, "What does he do?"

She says, "He always tells me my hair smells nice."

Her boss replies, "That's not really sexual harassment."

Sally says, "He's three feet tall."


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Joke: A man comes home one day and brags to his wife, "I bought Olympic condoms. How about we try out a gold one tonight?"

His wife replies, "How about we try a silver one instead? You can try to come second for a change."


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Joke: A man driving down the road slams on his breaks and honks the horn because there is a car stopped in the middle of the road. He storms out of his car and looks inside of the parked car to see a naked couple laying inside. He yells at them, "What are you doing in the middle of the road?! Why didn't you move when I honked?"

The naked man in the car yells back, "You were coming, I was coming, and she was coming. You were the only one with brakes!"


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Joke: Three guys are hanging out at one of their houses when a terrible storm starts. It's so bad that they can't leave the house all night. So they decide to go to bed, the only problem is that there is only one large bed so they all have to share it.

When they wake up the next morning the guy who slept on the right says, "I had the best dream, a beautiful woman was giving me a handjob."

Next the guy who slept on the left side says, "That's weird, I had a dream where I was getting a handjob from a sexy lady."

The last guy, the one in the middle, frowns and says, "I had a dream I was skiing."


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