Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man's wife is standing in front of a mirror naked and says "Look at me. I'm fat, wrinkly, and old. Is there anything still good about me honey?"

Her husband responds "You have great eyesight!"

Joke: What do you call someone who has herpes, AIDS, and hepatitis C?

Joke: Two nuns are taking a walk when they are attacked by vampires. One of the nuns yells "Sister Annie! Show them your cross!"

Sister Annie runs at the vampires and yells "Get the fuck out of here!"

Joke: A blonde woman wants to bath in milk because she heard it makes your skin silky smooth. So when the milkman comes she tells him "I'm going to need 25 gallons of milk."

He replies "Damn, what for?"

She tells him "I want to bath in it."

Confused he asks her "Would you like that pasteurized?"

She replies "No, just up to my tits is fine. I'll splash it on my eyes."

Joke: Two hillbillies walk into a bar. They are sitting next to a woman who begins to cough violently. One of the men asks her "Are you okay?" The woman shakes her head no.

He promptly lifts her dress and licks one of her butt cheeks. She instantly spasms violently and spits out the food she was choking on. The hillbilly calmly walks back to his table. The other man turns to him and says "I've never actually seen somebody use the hind lick maneuver."