Dirty Jokes

Joke: A woman is packing up and about to leaver her husband. When he asks her where she plans on going she says, "I'm going to Las Vegas, I can get $100 a blowjob there."

He laughs and replies, "Good luck living on $300 a year."

Joke: Three men go to hell and they immediately meet the devil. He tells them, "Alright guys, you get to pick one of these three rooms to spend eternity in."

The devil opens up the first door revealing a room full of people standing on their heads on a hard wood floor. He opens up the next door to reveal a room full of people standing on their heads on a cement floor. Finally, he opens up the final door revealing a room full of people standing waist deep in shit drinking coffee.

All of the men choose door 3 because it is less crowded, you get to stand, and you get to drink coffee. As soon as they walk into the room the devil says, "Alright, coffee break's over. Back onto your heads!"

Joke: A man and woman have been married for 30 years. One morning, while in bed, the husband tells his wife, "Honey, I can't get rid of this morning wood, could you help me out?"

The wife rolls over and takes off all of her clothes.

The man rolls back over and says, "Thanks dear."

Joke: Four blondes are sitting outside on Christmas Eve. Santa flies by and cheers, "Ho, ho, ho!"

One of the blondes yells back, "Hey! What about me Santa?"

Joke: When you read a book about how bad smoking is for you, you quit smoking.

When you read a book about how bad drinking is for you, you quit drinking.

When you read a book about how bad sex is for you, you quit reading.