Dirty Jokes

Joke: A guy sleeps with a $5 hooker and gets crabs.

The next day he goes back to complain and the hooker laughs and says, "What did you expect for $5... lobster?"

Joke: A man goes to a jewelry store with his girlfriend looking for a wedding ring on Friday. He tells the jeweler, "I need a very special ring for my girlfriend."

The jeweler looks around for a bit and finds a $5,000 ring, "This is a very nice one."

The man yells at the jeweler, "This isn't nearly expensive enough! Get me a better one!"

The jeweler scrambles and finds a $40,000 ring, "How about this one sir?"

The man replies, "That's more like it! I'll write you a check right now. But I know you want to verify I have the funds so I'll pick it up Monday afternoon after you check."

On Monday the jeweler calls the man, "Sir, you don't have nearly enough money in your bank account."

The man replies, "I know, but let me tell you about my weekend!"

Joke: A man goes to a Japan on business and hires a prostitute for the night. He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.

The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"

Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"

Joke: Little Kyle runs into his house one day and immediately confronts his dad, "Dad! I heard these kids at school talking about how awesome a vagina is. What is a vagina, what does it look like?"

The father answers "Well son, before you use it it looks like a beautiful flower."

Kyle asks "What about after you use it?"

The father smiles and asks "Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"

Joke: What does yeast and a redneck have in common?