Dirty Jokes

Joke: A woman gets onto a bus and sits in front of a couple of Italian gentlemen. They talk very loudly but she ignores it. But a few minutes later she hears one of them say, "Emma comes first. Then I come. Then two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses come together again. I come again then pee twice. Then I come one last-a-time."

With this the lady turns around and says, "Excuse me! You perverts shouldn't be talking about sex on a bus."

One of them turns around and says, "Whose talking abouta sex? I'm justa teaching him how to spell 'Mississippi'."

Joke: A sailor walks into a bathroom and sees a kid looking at him. The kid asks him, "Mister, are you a sailor?"


The kid says yes and puts the hat on. A few minutes later a marine walks into the bathroom and the kid is staring at him, "Mister, are you a marine?"

He replies, "Yeah... Why? You wanna hold my dick or something?"

The kid replies, "No thanks. I'm not a sailor, I'm just wearing his hat."

Joke: What does a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

Joke: If a man and a woman get married in Tennessee and they move to Michigan, are they still cousins?

Joke: A kid comes home from school and tells his dad, "You have to go see my Math teacher."

His father asks why and the kid replies, "Well he asked me what 7 * 4 was and I said '28'. Then he asked what 4 * 7 was and I said, 'What's the fucking difference.'"

His father replies, "Indeed, what is the difference? Okay, I'll go."

The next day the boy comes home and asks, "Did you go to my school yet?"

The father replies, "Nope."

The boy says, "Well you have to see my Gym teacher too. Today I was in class and he told us to stand on our right leg for ten minutes. Then he told us to do the same with our left leg. So I asked him, 'Want me to stand on my cock next?'"

The dad replies, "Exactly, did he? I'll go soon."

The following day the boy comes home from school and says, "Don't bother going to my school. I got expelled."

His dad asks, "Why were you expelled?"

He replies, "Well they called me into the office and waiting for me was the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the science teacher."

"What the fuck was the science teacher there for?" His dad asked.

"That's what I said!"