Dirty Jokes

Joke: A man a his wife are having dinner when a beautiful woman approaches their table and kissed the man on the cheek and walks away. His wife asks, "Who the hell was that?"

He replies, "My mistress..."

His wife shouts, "What? I want a divorce!"

He calmly replies, "Fine. But remember, you signed a prenup. If we get divorced that means no more vacations, no more shopping trips, no more credit cards, and no more beautiful house or car. But it's up to you."

She looks at him for a moment then notices one of their mutual friends entering with a beautiful lady, "Who's that with John?" she asks.

He tells her, "That's his mistress."

His wife smiles, "Ours is prettier."

Joke: What's the difference between three dicks and a joke?

Joke: Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with our electrician. Last week I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."

His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. This week I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. Yesterday I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

Joke: Two nuns are driving down the road one day and come to a fork and turn left. One nun tells the other, "I've never come this way before."

The other replies, "I know, it's great. It's the cobblestones."

Joke: Did you know that 9 out of 10 guys masturbate regularly?