Dirty Jokes

Joke: A boy is going to have dinner with his girlfriend's family for the first time and he is also going to sleep with her that night. He goes to the pharmacy to get condoms for that night and he ends up talking to the pharmacist for twenty minutes about his plans for the night. Then he buys the large pack of condoms because he is going to be "busy that night."

Later that night he goes to his girlfriend's house and she greets him at the door. They go to the dinner table and sit down to eat. The boy sits quietly for a minute and asks if he can say grace. After he has been praying for 10 minutes his girlfriend leans over and says "I didn't know you were so religious."

The boy replies "I had no idea your dad was a pharmacist!"

Joke: A pastor is standing before his congregation, "It has come to my attention that somebody has been telling lies about me. Somebody has been saying I am a member of the Ku Klux Klan. This is simply not true! Who has been telling this lie?"

Everybody is silent for a while. He speaks again, "Come on now, face your sins so you can be forgiven!"

Suddenly a drop dead gorgeous blonde rises and says, "I think somebody misunderstood me. I've been telling people that you are a wizard in the sheets."

Joke: Sally has been feeling harassed by one of her coworkers, John. She tells her employer that he has been harassing her and he asks her, "What does he do?"

She says, "He always tells me my hair smells nice."

Her boss replies, "That's not really sexual harassment."

Sally says, "He's three feet tall."

Joke: An old married couple was sitting on their porch in rocking chairs.

The old man grabs his wives breasts saying 'if these still made milk we wouldn't need the cows.' The old woman remains silent so he moves his hand.

A little later he reaches over and grabs her crotch and says 'if this still laid eggs we wouldn't need chickens.' The woman remains silent so he moves his hand.

A few minutes later, the woman grabs the old man's dick and says 'if that worked we wouldn't need your brother.'

Joke: Two nuns are taking a walk when they are attacked by vampires. One of the nuns yells "Sister Annie! Show them your cross!"

Sister Annie runs at the vampires and yells "Get the fuck out of here!"