Clean Jokes

Joke: A man is giving his son advice, "Whenever you buy something on the street, offer them half of what they want."

So the boy is our one day and wants to buy a Coke. He approaches a street vendor and asks how much. The vendor replies, "$2.56."

The boy says, "I'll give you $1.28." The vendor is outraged at first and tries to negotiate a higher price, but fails. He finally gives in, "Okay, $1."

The boy replies, "64 cents." The vendor is outraged but eventually agrees again.

This continues until the price is at 2 cents. The vendor says, "It's pointless now, just have it for free."

The boy says, "I'll take two."

Joke: Why is the sky covered with clouds when it is storming?

Joke: Two men are walking by a restaurant and one of them says, "That smells amazing! Lets get something."

The other man replies, "But they don't let dogs in, what are we going to do with them."

The first man puts on a pair of sunglasses and has his friend do the same and says, "Follow my lead."

He starts to walk into the restaurant and the waiter stops him, "You cannot bring dogs in here sir."

The man gets offended, "Excuse me sir! This is my seeing eye dog, I am blind."

The waiter questions this, "But your dog is a pit bull?"

The man replies, "I know, I am a very important person, I need protection as well."

The first man passes through and the second man begins to walk through when the waiter stops him and asks him the same question. The man replies, "This is my seeing eye dog too."

The waiter replies, "Really? A chihuahua?"

The man freaks out, "What?! They gave me a chihuahua?!"

Joke: Why can't you hear a psychiatrist in the bathroom?

Joke: Two chemists walk into a bar and the first one says, "I'll have some H₂O."

The second says, "I'll have some water too. Why'd you say 'H₂O'? We aren't at work."

The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.