Clean Jokes

Joke: How many non sequiturs does it take to change a light bulb?

Joke: Two cupcakes are in the oven together cooking and one of them says "If we don't get out of here alive, I love you man."

The other cupcake says "Oh my gosh... A talking cupcake!"

Joke: A man in a bar sees a friend at a table drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments "You look terrible. What's the problem?"

"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."

"Gee, that's tough," he replied.

"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."

"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."

"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."

"And this month," continued, the friend sadly, "Nothing."

Joke: Two chemists walk into a bar and the first one says, "I'll have some H₂O."

The second says, "I'll have some water too. Why'd you say 'H₂O'? We aren't at work."

The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.

Joke: A man goes on a date with a blonde woman. She asks him, "Do you have any kids?"

He tells her, "I have one that's under two."

The blonde replies, "I know I'm blonde, but I know how much one is."