Clean Jokes

Joke: Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop when a bus pulls up. The first blonde leans into the bus and asks "Will this bus take me to 1st Avenue?"

The bus driver tells her no. The second blonde leans in and whispers "What about me?"

Joke: A snail walks into a car dealership and asks them if he could get an 'S' painted on the hood of a particular car. The salesman asks him why and he responds "I want people to yell 'Look at that S car go!'"

Joke: A blonde, brunette, and a red head are stuck on the roof of a house. Fire fighters are holding a blanket for them to jump onto. They tell the brunette to jump to safety. When she jumps they pull the blanket away and she hurts her butt.

Next the fire fighters tell the red head she needs to jump or she'll never get down. She refuses because she is scared they will pull the blanket away. They tell her "It was an accident." So she jumps and they pull the blanket away. She hurts her butt and yells at them.

Finally the blonde gets smart and tells them "I know what you're going to do. Just lay the blanket on the ground and back away."

Joke: How do you wake Lady Gaga up in the morning?

Joke: A man is jogging down the road and he sees a boy eating a candy bar with a ton of wrappers sitting next to him. The man tells him "Kid, it isn't good for you to sit there all day eating candy bars."

The kid scowls at him and says "Hey mister, my grandpa is 98 years old and still walking around."

The jogger asks him "And he sits around eating candy all day?"

The boy replies "No, but he minds his own business."