Clean Jokes

Joke: A lifeguard told the mother of a young boy to make her son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows that from time to time, young children will urinate in the pool," the mother lectured him.

"Oh really? From the diving board?!"

Joke: A Nobel Prize winning mathematician is traveling from university to university on a speaking tour by limousine. After several engagements the mathematician and his driver are having dinner and the driver says "I've heard your speech so many times I think I could give it word-for-word." The mathematician accepts the challenge and they switch places for the next speech; the driver dresses like the professor and the professor dresses as the driver and sits in the back of the auditorium.

The driver gives the speech flawlessly and opens up the floor for question, usually there are none. But one of the students at the university has a very large ego and decides to attempt to stump the Nobel Prize winner. After the student asks his question for ten straight minutes the driver laughs and says "That question is so simple I'll let my driver in the back answer it."

Joke: Thomas has tried out for every school play since 2nd grade and he finally gets a part. He rushes home and yells to his father, "I got a part! I got a part!"

His dad asks him, "Oh yeah? Who do you play?"

His son replies, "I play a man who's been married for 30 years with 4 children."

The father says, "Oh, I'm sorry son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Rufus!
Rufus who?
The roof! The roof! The Rufus on fire!

Joke: Why can't you trust atoms?