Clean Jokes

Joke: There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit the hotel bar. Upon arriving to the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied "Everything is big in Texas."

A little later the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped and entered the third door. This door lead to the swimming pool and he fell in by accident.

Scared to death, he started shouting "Don't flush, don't flush!"

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Says!
Says who?
Says me, that's who!

Joke: An antique dealer is walking through town and sees a cat drinking milk from a saucer in a shop window. He is shocked when he realizes that the saucer is very rare and expensive.

He enters the shop and asks the owner "Hey, I really like the cat. Would you be willing to sell it to me?"

The store owner replies "Not for sale."

The antique dealer thinking quickly responds "I'll give you $100 for it."

The shop owner agrees and the antique dealer grabs the cat. He acts like he is about to leave then adds "Oh, would you mind throwing in the saucer, the cat seems to like it."

The shop owner replies "No, that's my lucky saucer. I've sold hundreds of cats since I got it."

Joke: Two chemists walk into a bar and the first one says, "I'll have some H₂O."

The second says, "I'll have some water too. Why'd you say 'H₂O'? We aren't at work."

The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
The interrupting cow.
The interrupting c-
Mooooo!