Clean Jokes

Joke: The preacher at a church is giving a sermon about marriage and how sacred it is. He asks for a volunteer who has been married happily for 50 years. An older man stands and says he is just approaching his 50th anniversary.

The priest asks him how he has managed to stay happy for so long. The man replies, "I do everything I can to keep her happy. But most importantly, I took her to Rome for our 25th anniversary."

The priest replies, "That's great! What do you guys plan on doing on your 50th?"

The man says, "I'm probably going to bring her back."

Joke: Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"

Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I'm beginning to think I didn't."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's There?
Bumblebee
Bumblebee Who?
Bumblebee cold if you don't pull your pants up!

Joke: A cowboy strolls into town on his horse fireball and goes straight to the saloon. He drinks straight whiskey for a few hours, never moving except to take another drink. When he's done he gets up and walks out of the saloon.

He immediately runs back in and yells, "Alright! Who took fireball?" But nobody makes a noise.

He continues, "Okay, I'm gonna give y'all to the count of three then we're gonna have a repeat of what happened back in '71."

"ONE!" He pauses and nobody moves a muscle.

"TWO!" Everybody braces for impending doom.

"Here it comes... THR..."

He is interrupted by a man in the saloon, "Wait! It was just a joke mister. Your horse is right out back... By the way, what'd you do in '71?"

The cowboy looks him dead in the eye and says, "I had to walk home."

Joke: One morning before a man leaves for work his wife asks him "Honey, do you know what today is?"

He nervously responds "Of course I do!" Then he leaves for work.

Throughout the day he sends his wife flowers, chocolate, and a card telling her to meet him at a certain expensive restaurant for dinner.

When he meets her at the restaurant she runs up to him and says "This has been the best Independence Day of my life!"