Long Jokes

Joke: A kid from Texas is on the Yale campus for the very first time. He approaches a student and says, "Hey, can you tell me where the library is at?" The Yale student replies "At Yale, we don't end a sentence with a preposition." The kid says, "Sorry about that. Can you tell me where the library is at, jerk?"

Joke: Two chemists walk into a bar and the first one says, "I'll have some H₂O."

The second says, "I'll have some water too. Why'd you say 'H₂O'? We aren't at work."

The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed.

Joke: Two men were walking through a forest and spotted an aggressive looking bear. The first man took his running shoes out of his backpack and started to put them on. The second man said "You really think you can outrun that bear?"

The first man replied "Don't have to... I just have to outrun you."

Joke: After Beethoven died music could be heard from his grave. People gathered around and they could hear his 8th symphony playing in reverse... Then the 7th... And the 6th. Suddenly the priest realized what was happening and made an announcement, "Everything is okay people! It's just Beethoven decomposing."

Joke: A blonde woman has lived in Russia for many years. One day a government official comes to her and tells her, "Miss, quite a while back there was an error by a surveyor. You actually live in Ukraine."

The blonde replies, "Thank god! I don't think I could make it through one more Russian winter."