Long Jokes

Joke: A blonde, brunette, and red head are waiting in front of the pearly gates when God comes out to greet them "Usually I wouldn't let any of you girls in, but I'm having a good day. I'll give you all a deal. If you can climb my 1000 stair staircase and listen to a joke at each step without laughing I'll let you in." They all agree.

The brunette loses at the 100th step. The red head loses at the 500th step. The blonde makes it to the 999th step and begins to laugh historically. God asks her "You were so close, why did you laugh?"

She replies "I just got the first one."

Joke: A man is on a long flight and he starts shaking. A flight attendant notices he is disturbed and asks him if she can do anything to calm him down. He says yes so she brings him a drink.

An hour later he is shaking again but even worse. So she gets him another drink and brings it to him.

Another hour goes by and now he is crying. The flight attendant approaches him and the man yells "Why are you people doing this to me?"

The flight attendant replies "Sir calm down, why are you so afraid of flying?"

The man replies "Flying? I'm trying to get sober!"

Joke: A man gets on a plane and is seated next to a young kid. The kid won't stop talking during the flight so the man turns to him and says, "Lets talk."

The kid replies, "Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

The man replies, "How about string theory?"

The boy says, "That's a very interesting topic. But first, do you know why rabbits, horses, and cows poop all have different poop even though they all eat grass?"

The man replies, "I have no idea."

The boy smiles and says, "How do you expect to discuss string theory when you don't know shit."

Joke: An Amish family goes to the mall. The daughters and mother go shopping and the father and son stop in front of two shiny walls that are sliding apart. An extremely large woman on a scooter rolls into the elevator and the shiny walls move back together.

The man and his son watch as the numbers above the elevator slowly light up until the highest number is illuminated. Then the numbers begin to climb back down and the shiny walls once again part. A gorgeous blonde exits the elevator.

The father, still staring at the woman, whispers to his son "Go get your mother."

Joke: A man went to a brain store to get a brain to complete a study. He sees a sign indicating the profession of each type of brain. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for an engineer's brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for a programmer's brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for a lawyer's brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is a lawyer's brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to use to get one ounce of brain?"