Good Jokes

Joke: Did you hear that the man who invented the Hokey Pokey died? They couldn't get him into the coffin because they put his left leg in, and then his left leg out. Then they put his left leg in and they shook him all about!

Joke: A man is at the bar looking sad. The bartender asks him, "What's with the long face?"

He replies, "I've had three wives, but they've all died."

The bartender replies, "Wow, how'd they go?"

The man replies, "Well, the first one ate poisonous mushrooms."

The bartender asks, "What about the second one?"

He replies, "Poisonous mushrooms."

The bartender asks, "And the third ate poisonous mushrooms?"

The man replies, "Nope she was strangled."

The bartender asks, "Oh no, why?"

The man replies, "She wouldn't eat the damn mushrooms."

Joke: Two cows are eating grass in a meadow. One cow asks the other "I've heard Mad Cow Disease has been going around. You worried?"

The other one says "Why should I be? I'm a purple trapezoid."

Joke: A blonde, brunette, and red head are all spies and are caught behind enemy lines. They are all tied up in front of a firing squad.

As they are about to shoot the brunette yells "Tornado! Tornado!" All of the men run off to wait the tornado out and the brunette manages to escape.

Seeing what she had done the red head devises her own plan and when they return she yells "Earthquake! Earthquake!" Again all of the men scatter to wait it out and the red head escapes.

The blonde, being the genius she is, devises her own plan. As soon as the men return she yells "Fire! Fire!"

Joke: An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders 1/2 a beer, the third orders 1/4 a beer, etc. The bartender hands them two beers to share. The mathematicians say "Are we all supposed to share this?"

The bartender replies "Guys, you have to know your limits."