Good Jokes

Joke: A first grade teacher tells her class that she is American and asks them to raise their hands if they are American.

All of their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks, except one girl named Kristen. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I am not an American," the girl responds.

"Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little annoyed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.

"Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason. What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

"Well," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."

Joke: A teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would rush into it, and I should turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir." the boys

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, my feet don't turn red from blood?"

Little Johnny shouted "It's because your feet aren't empty."

Joke: It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."

Joke: A large group of blondes gathered in the middle of New York City to prove once and for all they are smart people. They challenged everybody to ask any of them any question.

A man approaches them and accepts their challenge. He randomly picks a blonde woman and asks her "What is the first letter of the alphabet?"

The woman replies "V!" The man tells her she is wrong and the group begins to chant "One more chance! One more chance!"

The man replies "Okay okay. What is the capital of New York?"

The woman yells "Toronto!" The crowd chants again "One more chance! One more chance!"

The man indulges them "Okay fine, final chance. What is two plus two?"

The woman yells "Four!" The crowd chants again "One more chance! One more chance!"

Joke: A blonde is driving down the road and sees another blonde in the middle of a field in a rowboat paddling as hard as she can.

The blonde pulls over, runs to the edge of the field and yells "It's stupid people like you that give blondes a bad name! If I could swim I would come out there and beat you up!"