Good Jokes

Joke: A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard it was, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels, and flung him over the table and across the room..

He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth as hard as that."

Joke: Why was the tomato blushing?

Joke: One day a blondes house catches on fire so she calls the police in a panic and hears "What is your emergency?"

She replies "My house is on fire hurry!"

The person on the other end responds "Mam, calm down and tell me where you are."

She yells back "My house! Come to my house!"

The person now annoyed says "We need more than that, how are we supposed to find you?"

The blonde gets mad and says "With your big red trucks!"

Joke: Three men have been given life sentences and are allowed to bring one thing for fun. The first one brings a deck of cards. He says, "I brought these to pass the time when we're bored."

The second one brings a harmonica and says, "I brought this to cheer us up when we're down."

The final man, who happened to be blond, brought tampons. The other men ask him, "What the hell did you bring those for?"

He replies, "The back says you can swim, run, and play sports with these."

Joke: Knock knock!
Who's there?
Moosh!
Moosh who?
Pork!