Good Jokes

Joke: An old man on his death bed has spent his entire life pinching pennies and clinging to all of his money. Friendless, he is surrounded by his priest, doctor, and lawyer. Just before he dies he tells them, "I know most people say that you can't bring money with you after you die, but I want you to all throw this into my grave just as they are about to bury me." With this being said he hands them all envelopes with $50,000 in them.

After his funeral the three are discussing the money. The doctor says, "I have to confess something. I've really been wanting a vacation so I only threw $40,000 in."

The priest follows, "I must also confess. We are renovating the church so I only threw in $25,000. I feel terrible."

The lawyer lashes out at them, "You guys are terrible! Not only did I throw in the $50,000 he gave me, but I added my own $10,000."

The doctor replies, "Why in the world would you give that greedy man your money?"

The lawyer replies, "He was a good man so I wrote him a check for the full amount."

Joke: Mathematician: You're a 10
Girlfriend: Awe thank you.
Mathematician: In base 2...
Girlfriend: ...

Joke: Yo mama's so fat, she could sell shade!

Joke: A boss was complaining in a staff meeting one day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

Joke: A man is sitting on his porch when he notices two blondes working down the road. They both have shovels. One of them digs a hole and the other immediately fills it in. The man watches them for a few hours and finally approaches them, "You guys look like you're working hard. But I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish."

One of the blondes replies, "Well there's usually three of us, but the one that plants the trees is sick."