Good Jokes

Joke: Yo mama's so stupid, she sat on the TV and watched the sofa!

Joke: A guy walks into a bank with a gun and starts to rob the place. He tells everybody to get down and if anybody looks at him he will kill them. With this somebody looks at him and he promptly shoots them. He then asks everybody, "Did anyone else look at me?"

One guy raises his hand and says, "I think my wife took a peek."

Joke: A man meets the best Bible salesman in the world. The salesman greets him, "Nuh, nuh, nuh, nice to meet you."

The man asks him, "If you don't mind me asking, what's your secret?"

The salesman replies, "It's suh, suh, suh, simple. I juh, juh, just go to the duh, duh, duh, door and suh, say, 'Duh, duh, duh, do you wuh, wuh, want to buh, buh, buh, buh, buy a bible? Or wuh, would you luh, luh, luh, like muh, me to ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, read it to you?'"

Joke: Three logicians walk into a bar and the barkeep asks "Do you guys want a drink?"

The first answers "I don't know."

The second answers "I don't know."

The third answers "Yes."

Joke: A jockey is about to enter an race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens - the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me - it's this bloody horse. What is he - deaf or something?"

The trainer replies, "Deaf? Deaf?! He's not deaf. He's blind!"