Good Jokes

Joke: An atheist is swimming in the ocean and stops to get his bearings. He looks at all the people on the beach, the waves breaking, etc. and suddenly gets an eerie feeling. He turns to look out towards the ocean and sees a fin coming straight at him. The mouth opens up and he sees it's a shark with razor sharp teeth. He turns and looks how far the shore is away. He knows he can't outswim the shark. It gets closer and closer. At the last moment in a panic he yells out, " Oh God, please help me." God hears him and freezes time. He floats down to the atheist and says, "You don't even believe in me why should I help you?" And the man replies, "No I don't. The man looks at how far away the shore is and how sharp the shark's teeth are. He then gets an idea and says to God, " I know God can you make the shark believe in you?" God says, "Sure." Then floats back up to heaven and unfreezes time. The shark continue swimming up to the atheist and stops. It looks up to heaven and folds its fins and then says, "Lord thank you for this meal I am about to receive, amen!"

Joke: Once there was a young boy, around 8 years old, who lived in a village at the bottom of a hill. On top of the hill was a temple where monks lived. One day, he heard a strange sound coming from the top of the hill. Curious, he walks up the hill and knocks on the giant doors at the front of the temple. The head monk answers the door and asks what he can do for the kid. However, when the kid asks what the sound was, he simply replies, “I can’t tell you, you’re not a monk.” So the boy walks home sadly. 3 years later, he hears it again. Again, he was curious, and he thought it would bother him for life if he didn’t find out what it was. So he walked back up to the temple, knocked on the door, and was greeted by the head monk. Again, when asked about the sound, he responded with, “I can’t tell you, you’re not a monk.” Now, the kid is so desperate to find the sound that he asks, “Alright, how do I become a monk?” The head monk responds, “Young boy, In order to become a monk, you must count every grain of sand in Africa.” So once he turns 16, he drives to Africa and counts the sand. When he comes back, he’s 34 years old. He knocks on the temple door and the head monk answers. “I did it, I counted every grain of sand!” Surprised, the head monk says, “Truly? You are now a monk, and can now learn of the sound! You must find the key first.” The man says, “OK! Where is it?” “Back in Africa.” The man sighs, goes back to Africa and returns with the key. There are three fires in the way, so he jumps over the first fire, jumps over the second fire, and the key falls into the third fire. Terrified, he returns to the head monk. “Surely for a door that’s this important, there must be a spare key somewhere, right?” “Yeah, there’s one in the sheriff’s office at the bottom of the hill.” “Why couldn’t you tell me that first?” “It’s part of becoming a monk.” So the man goes to the sheriff’s office and gets the key. He jumps over the fires, unlocks the door, and finds out what the sound is.

Joke: "What kind of filling would you like" one tooth asked the other. The other tooth said "Chocolate!!!"

Joke: Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

Joke: Gomer Pyle and Betty Lou,... are out on a date at the County Fair. They are walking side by side when Gomer asks, Betty Lou can I hold your hand? And she says, I don't know Gomer. And he says, Oh come on Betty Lou and she says, Well, OK Gomer. And they walked holding hands. As the night went on Gomer asks, Betty Lou can I kiss you? And she says, I don't know Gomer. And he says, Oh come on Betty Lou and she says, Well, OK Gomer. And they kissed. Gomer drove her home and they kissed a little more. Gomer asks, Betty Lou can I put my finger in your belly button? And she says, I don't know Gomer. And he says, Oh come on Betty Lou and she says, Well, OK Gomer. Pretty soon Betty Lou yells out, GOMER THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON and he says, Well surprise,  surprise, that's not my finger either!