Funny Jokes

 

20 ratings
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Joke: A blonde, brunette, and red head are all spies and are caught behind enemy lines. They are all tied up in front of a firing squad.

As they are about to shoot the brunette yells "Tornado! Tornado!" All of the men run off to wait the tornado out and the brunette manages to escape.

Seeing what she had done the red head devises her own plan and when they return she yells "Earthquake! Earthquake!" Again all of the men scatter to wait it out and the red head escapes.

The blonde, being the genius she is, devises her own plan. As soon as the men return she yells "Fire! Fire!"


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17 ratings
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Joke: What's E.T. short for?


Punch line: He doesn't have legs.


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17 ratings
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Joke: Johnny is on his grandpa's farm in the rabbit enclosure. The ground is covered in rabbit droppings. Johnny asks, "What are all of the pellets on the floor grandpa?"

His grandpa replies, "Oh those? Those are smart pills. You eat them and you get smarter."

Johnny likes the sound of that so he grabs a large handful of them and shoves them into his mouth, "Yuck! Grandpa, these taste like crap."

His grandpa replies, "You're getting smarter already."


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72 ratings
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Joke: A blonde, brunette, and red head are waiting in front of the pearly gates when God comes out to greet them "Usually I wouldn't let any of you girls in, but I'm having a good day. I'll give you all a deal. If you can climb my 1000 stair staircase and listen to a joke at each step without laughing I'll let you in." They all agree.

The brunette loses at the 100th step. The red head loses at the 500th step. The blonde makes it to the 999th step and begins to laugh historically. God asks her "You were so close, why did you laugh?"

She replies "I just got the first one."


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Joke: A 90-year-old man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he is and he replies, "Great, I'm 90 years old, I have an 20 year old bride, and she's pregnant with my child."

The doctor looks at him for a second, "Let me tell you a story. A knew a man who loved to hunt. One day he went out and was in such a hurry he grabbed an umbrella instead of a gun. As soon as he got out there a bear jumped out of the woods at him. He grabbed his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle. You know what happened next?"

The old man, dumbfounded, replies, "No, what?"

"The bear dropped dead right there!"

The old man protests, "Someone else must have shot the bear!"

The doctor nods, "Exactly."


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